Tuesday, November 04, 2008

So, Yeah...

Ho-lee Shit.

Vote day, Vote day, hooleehooleehoo!

Dear every single news source:

Is it at all possible for y'all to use proper grammar when talking about early voting?

Correct: "Early voting."
Incorrect: "Early Voted."
Correct: "Voted Early."

Fucking retards. GOD!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Five Satellites

So, since April of this year, I've been posting my book, Five Satellites, serially here. It's about two-thirds of the way posted, and once it's all been put up, It'll only all be there for a month. Then I'm taking it down in order to start shopping it around again.

You can, however, get a copy of the whole thing in .pdf format directly from me. How to do that? Just ask.

To the many who've been keeping up and who've asked for the book: thanks for reading. The response has been awesome.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Somehow, Seven Years Ago...

Somehow, seven years ago today, I was the epitome of America. And I mean that in a bad way. It was around 9-something in the morning and I was in the drive-thru of the Burger King near my house, gearing up for a big exciting day of school. I was an education major at the time. Which was one of the worst decisions of my life.

Anyhow, I got my two sausage biscuits with cheese, my frickin' breakfast cola, and my hash browns, and turned on the talk radio. They were talking about the "Twin Towers" burning, and I thought that they were referring to the local twin towers--the Proctor and Gamble HQ just a few miles down I-75, in downtown Cincinnati. For just a moment, I thought that perhaps all those crazy anti-corporate activists had gone and done something horrible.

Not so. This was quite a bit worse. And quite a bit bigger.

Still, there I sat, transfixed on my steering wheel as I sat in the BK parking lot, stuffing my face with processed meat and cheese listening to the world come to a close for the day. Looking back on it now, I feel like a fat American pig, the kind of fat American pig who contributes to the apparent stereotype of the "Ugly American." There's all that stuff that we have available, all that choice that we take for granted.

Did I mention that I was chewing with my mouth open? God, I'm horrible.

I still went to class, and I don't remember anything else important happening that day. How could I? When I was growing up, I'd heard adults say that they knew, and knew that everyone else knew, exactly what they were doing when they heard JFK took that rifle bullet to the noggin. It's sort of weird to know that my generation has a moment like that, as well. I would assume that every generation has one of those, right? The generation before my parents had Pearl Harbor, then JFK, and then 9/11.

Where were you when you heard the shit went down?

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Oh, Baseball Season, How I Won't Miss You...

So, here's how you know that the Cincinnati Reds were mathematically emliminated from the playoffs: the Reds' website posts a news item detailing the at bat music for our fine team, along with COMMENTARY AND ANALYSIS. Because, really, there's nothing better to talk about, especially since they were wrapping up a series with the juggernaught that is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Also, His Holiness Josh Fogg pitched this afternoon. Whatever.

Reds At Bat Music

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Coming in February...

...From a mixture of the DNA of Le Wif and El Husbando, it's--you heard it here first (maybe)--Le Bebe.

Le Wif just exited the first trimester, and the due date is somewhere around Feb. 11 or 14. It's pretty awesome. Given my genetics, the kid'll probably be good and hairy, but hopefully not quite like this:

It' s pretty early on, and I'm not totally sure what to expect, so I'm totally willing to field advice from anyone willing to pass any along. Le Wif's cousin might have given me the best so far: "Get your oh, shit pants on."

Also, it's Le Wif's birthday today, so in honor of that, here's this. Again.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Holy Mother of Eff.

A while back, I asked for accounts of the real-life Batman that I'd heard about third-or-fourth-hand that was apparently running around the Corryville/University Village/Short Vine area of Cincinnati back around the early-mid 90's. By all means, I'm still looking for specific accounts from people, so if you have any memory of ANYTHING having to do with this, get in touch. In the meantime, it sounds like people are seeing something like Batman out west: http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/real-batman-2/

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Hey! All right!

So, if any of you followed Le Wif and El Husbando Show, you know that back around July-August of last year I switched the operating system on my laptop from Vista to Ubuntu Linux and, well, had lots of problems. The biggest problem I had was that the wireless card that came with the computer simply WOULD NOT talk with Ubuntu.

Good news...

I'm in the process of updating to version 8.04 of Ubuntu and the craziest thing happened: Ubuntu immediately recognized my card and set it up for me. I'm writing this on my front porch, the sound of rain in my right ear, the sound of my neighbor's air conditioner in my left. This whole switch turned out to be a good idea after all. It only took a year, I guess.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Best Spam Language Ever...

Got one of those Pen 15 emails in the ol' spam folder today, and I gotta say, I had no idea that my wang's software was out of date. Here's the subject line: "Update Your Penis."


I reckon it could be a reference to software, or perhaps the decor of the wedding tackle, right? I've always wanted racing stripes on it. You know, the kind that are off-center a little bit? It'd make the dong look faster, I suppose.

In unrelated news, I've had the phrase "I am King Kong" running through my head at random for about six weeks now. So, that's kind of weird.

In more unrelated news, I've ridden my bike 1200 miles so far this year, most of that commuting to work. At 22 miles per gallon and current gas prices (I figured @ $4 a gallon for 12 gallons per tank), I figure I've saved about $220 in gas costs alone. Add in parking and you're looking at another $390. Just over $600 for the period of time between January-June 2008, only skipping days when it's exceptionally bad outside (which is to say, too icy to drive a car on). Not to get all preachy and shit, but if you live close to your job (let's say 7 miles each way), it's dumb of you to drive to work unless that's your job.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Book...

So, I've been posting my book, Five Satellites, up at this location for a few weeks now. Putting it up like it's a serial. So, check it out. I'm pretty proud of it. You can leave comments, too--I'll probably revise here and there as I post, so there's the possibility you can have some sway in how the story unfolds. http://fivesatellites.blogspot.com. Go!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

New Novel Blog...

So, I wrote this book called Five Satellites and I decided to post it in serial fashion as a weblog. If you're interested, give it a read. I'll be posting it in sections every Tuesday evening here.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

An effort to garner angry comments...

Ron Paul is a JOKE.

My only basis for saying this is that some jackass made a huge chalk sign on the Purple People Bridge a few months ago that said, "Google Ron Paul." Nice campaign, dickweed.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I Saw It...

Yep. I broke down and watched American Gladiators with Le Wif. It's amazingly nondescript, and little more than filler, apparently in wait for the end of the writers' strike. Of course, me saying that means that the show will probably stick around as long as the Internet.

I would give a full review, but I came across one that's as good as what I'd be able to write, and it's more or less the same opinion I have.



In other news, I'm gearing up for work on the next book, while still searching for an agent for the first one. My mom will probably hate me for it, which means that it's probably a pretty good idea, and one that I should get on as soon as possible. So, here's to you, mom.